Absolument Jolie

Angelina Jolie & Disney's Maleficent Just Got Parodied In A Wickedly Raunchy Porno Called Malefic*nt!

Details: Published on Sunday, 20 April 2014 17:14; Written by Perez Hilton

This gives a whole new meaning to the idea of a Disney ride, LOLz!! From a few of the same folks who brought you The Knobbit comes an equally erotic porn parody that satirizes on one of your favorite childhood fairy tales! Feast your eyes loins on Malefic*nt! Yikes! Even the title for Malefi-C-U-Next-Tuesday is so raunchy that we had to censor it! The porn is obvs a parody of Maleficent, the Angelina Jolie film set to hit theaters on May 28th, except this version will feature way more hardcore penetration!! The X-rated extravaganza stars vixen Violet Monroe as Princess Aurora, Romi Rain as the titular (emphasis on tit) villain, & some super seXXXy stud named Danny D whose giant dangling dong is the size of Disneyland. First J.R.R. Tolkien & now this? Ha! We guess nothing is scared anymore! Let us know if U think Malefic*nt's lead porn starlet (above) looks anything like Angelina in the comments (below)!

source : Perez Hilton

Sex-crazed Angelina Jolie lookalike forced cabbie to have sex with her then stabbed him six times

Details: Published on Thursday, 10 April 2014 04:30; Written by Mirror

An Angelina Jolie lookalike forced a taxi driver to have intercourse and perform a sex act on her before stabbing him when he couldn't satisfy her for a third time.Nicolae Stan, 35 said he was hired by Romanian Luminita Perijoc to deliver some bags to her apartment in Tulcea.Perijoc, 31, dragged him in and demanded sex. When he refused she drew a 10cm knife and forced him to undress, a court heard.When he couldn't perform a third time, she stabbed him at least six times and he managed to escape and phone the police on his mobile.Friends told local media that Perijoc models herself on Tomb Raider star Angelina Jolie.She originally tried to claim she was the victim in the attack but a court rejected her claims.She was sentenced to five years but then it was suspended to four years because she had been impaired by high strength medication.Mr Stan said he could have tried to overpower her but worried people would believe he had raped her so he tried to escape without hurting her.He said: "I think she wasn't used to anyone saying no because she flew into a rage when I declined."She took out a knife and forced me to undress and have sex with her."But she wasn't satisfied and wanted sex again."When I refused she attacked me with a knife, and forced me to have sex with her but she still stabbed me."He said the worst thing was that people tease him for spurning an Angelina lookalike in the first place.Mr Stan said: "It is terrible. I am now a local celebrity, everyone is talking about me."They don't understand why I refused her, but they do not know what it is like to have a mad woman yelling at you at knifepoint."They look at her, then look at me and laugh. But I think anyone would find it impossible to perform with a knife at their throat even if they were with Miss Romania."

source : Mirror

Want Angelina's bag? That'll be £3,000...and a very long wait

Details: Published on Tuesday, 17 September 2013 16:16; Written by Daily Mail

If you want to know what the latest ‘It Bag’ is, the one on Angelina Jolie’s arm is usually a pretty good place to start. At the moment that’s Louis Vuitton’s Capucines handbag, which is selling out across Europe as fashionistas flock to get their hands on one.But would-be buyers have to have deep pockets – it costs up to £3,250. Assistants at the Louis Vuitton shop in New Bond Street, London, said the bags had sold out.They are unlikely to be back in stock until the end of the month, and then in small numbers – prompting suspicions the shortage may be a marketing ruse. But is it worth the wait – and the cash? Fashion writer NICOLE MOWBRAY gives her verdict …After parting with a significant amount of cash for this season’s must-have bag, it’s more than a little galling when it becomes noticeably ‘last season’.It’s even worse when the design pops up everywhere, thanks to labels and prints now being notoriously easy to fake.Louis Vuitton, with its much-copied tan and brown monogram design, must have felt the latter particularly keenly. Which explains why, with the understated Capucines, the French label is turning the emphasis away from trends and back to timeless style.The bag is named after the Rue des Capucines in Paris, where Louis Vuitton opened his first shop in 1854. With it, the brand seems to be celebrating craftsmanship rather than the brash logos for which it has been known of late.Indeed, the success of the bag marks a turnaround for the brand, which has been struggling to win back its reputation as an upmarket and exclusive label.The Capucines is made with full-grain Taurillon calf-leather, which comes from the top layer of a hide. It is subjected to minimal chemical processing (which can weaken it) and so is known for its quality, durability and signature texture.This is the same leather used by Hermes – which is famous for still operating long waiting lists for its coveted Kelly and Birkin bags, decades after they launched.Assistants in Louis Vuitton stores have suggested the brand is also using Hermes’s tactic of ‘drip-feeding’ limited numbers of the Capucines into shops, to encourage demand.So there we have it. Those with serious money to spend – the Capucines costs £3,000 in medium, and £3,250 in large – will be making a serious style understatement this season.If you’d like to follow suit for less, take a look at Raoul. The label offers bags which are just as nice, at a tenth of the price.Or, on the high street, Zara has a classic leather bag with a simple metal tab for a much more purse-friendly £109.

source : Daily Mail

Here's how Angelina Jolie can crash your computer system

Details: Published on Saturday, 03 August 2013 19:49; Written by DNA India

Angelina Jolie has become the unwitting star of a new malware campaign.Two days ago Forbes named Jolie the highest-paid actress in Hollywood.This new spam campaign, discovered by researchers at ThreatTrack Security Labs, takes advantage of that news to try to trick you into clicking on some malicious links, Discovery News reported.The spam comes in the form of an email supposedly from CNN.The subject line is “CNN: Forbes: Angelina Jolie tops list of highest-paid actresses” and the body of the email is a screen capture from the CNN Web page on the story.Click any of the email’s links, and you’ll be prompted to download a file that looks like an Adobe Flash Player update (named “update_flash_player.exe”). But it’s really a piece of malicious software.Once installed, the software will download another malicious program that ThreatTrack Security identifies as a variant of a Zbot/Zeus, a type of Trojan that steals banking information.The Royal Baby was also recently used as malware linkbait in a very similar scheme, according to ThreatTrack.

source : DNA India

The Jolie effect: Number of women asking about mastectomies quadruples

Details: Published on Thursday, 26 September 2013 04:36; Written by Daily Mail

The Jolie effect: Number of women asking about mastectomies quadruples since actress revealed she had her breasts removed to reduce cancer risk.Breast cancer charities have reported a four-fold surge in women enquiring about having their breasts removed since Angelina Jolie announced she’d had the operation to lessen her risk of developing the disease.Figures from Cancer Research UK show the numbers of calls to its helpline have increased four-fold while there has been a similar rise in visits to its website.The actress revealed she’d had a double mastectomy in May after learning she carried a faulty gene that gave her an 87 per cent chance of developing breast cancer.Miss Jolie, 37, said she’d made the decision for the sake of her eight children having witnessed her own mother Marcheline Betrand lose a six-year battle against the illness.Figures compiled by Cancer Research UK show the number of calls to its helpline regarding a family history to breast cancer rose from 13 in April to 88 for May.And a total of 15,920 people went on pages of its website containing information about breast cancer the day of Miss Jolie’s announcement, the 14th of May.On the same day the previous month just 3,659 people looked at those pages - a four-fold rise - and just 4,796 visited them the day before.Dr Kat Arney, from Cancer Research UK said: ‘We now know about these genes, we know how to test for them and we can give women options for what to do.‘In some cases women will decide to have the surgery and that will reduce the risk by a very significant amount.‘There are other options too, there’s screening, there are drugs they can take to reduce their risk.’Fewer than 1 per cent of women carry the faulty BRCA1 gene - like Miss Jolie - or BRCA2 gene, which is very similar.These genes increase the risk of developing breast cancer to between 40 and 90 per cent and they are also linked to ovarian cancer.Women with a family history of breast cancer are advised to undergo genetic screening which is done via a blood test.Depending on the result and their risk, women may decide to have both breasts removed and their ovaries which will leave them infertile.They can also take drugs to lessen the risk including Tamoxifen which works by suppressing oestrogen, a hormone that triggers tumour growth, or by undergoing very regular checks.Teresa Hoskins, a breast cancer nurse at the Brighton and Sussex University Hospital said: ‘It’s a very big decision. It can affect relationships, how you feel about your body image.Miss Jolie, who is married to Brad Pitt, 49, is expected to undergo a oophorectomy and hysterectomy to remove her ovaries and womb to lessen the risk of ovarian cancer.Her mother died from this illness and Miss Jolie’s risk is believed to be about 50 per cent.She is believed to have had the double mastectomy in February after a test in December showed she had the faulty gene.But writing in the New York Times in May, she said the health crisis had brought her closer to her husband.She said: ‘We knew that this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has.’

source : Daily Mail

Angelina Jolie Couldn't Keep Surgery a Secret, Says Doctor

Details: Published on Saturday, 17 August 2013 16:24; Written by People

Angelina Jolie shocked the world back in May when she announced she had a preventive double mastectomy. But there was one woman who knew her secret all along and was with the mom of six every step of the way.Dr. Kristi Funk of the Pink Lotus Breast Center in Beverly Hills treated Jolie, 38, and speaks about the actress' brave journey in the September issue of Los Angeles magazine.The Oscar winner decided to undergo a double mastectomy earlier this year after genetic tests showed her to have a high risk of developing breast cancer. Her mother, Marcheline Bertrand, died of ovarian cancer in 2007 at the age of 56.In the piece, Funk says Jolie "waited to find the perfect timing in her personal and professional life, but I think most importantly in her soul," to tell the world what she had done. "She is intensely private, but she calculated the moment when she would be ready to reveal something so personal."Keep up with Angelina Jolie in the pages of PEOPLE Magazine by subscribing now.Funk says Jolie's honesty about the surgery helped raise awareness and got people talking about breast cancer and the faulty gene, BRCA1 and BRCA2, that may cause it."When someone who is arguably the most beautiful woman in the world removes the part of her body that is symbolic of femininity and sexuality, you have to say, 'Why would she do that?'" Funk tells the magazine.But it was Jolie's desire to help others that propelled her to share her secret. "She knew always that in her philanthropic core she couldn't keep this a secret and be who she is," says Funk. "She always knew."

source : People

Celeb Style Steal: Angelina Jolie

Details: Published on Saturday, 06 July 2013 16:42; Written by Very

Angelina Jolie is such a role model – wife, mother, cancer campaigner and UN ambassador. I don’t know how she finds the time to do it all! And she still manages to look groomed and gorgeous, even when tackling serious subjects like giving a lecture to a UN panel.What I like about Angelina’s choice of formal attire is that it’s not stiff and boring – I can’t imagine her in a traditional suit – but it’s still smart. And it’s also completely new and on trend as leather jackets and PU jackets are the hottest item of the season. There are so many new jackets in this season at Very but I really like the South PU bomber jacket as a match for Angelina’s as she’s a busy mum of six and a PU jacket is a lot easier to look after than leather, even though they look similar. Midi skirts are also so fashionable and there’s a brand new one at Very in the shape of the stunning Love Label jersey midi skirt. Then all you need to complete the look clothing-wise is a simple black top like the new-in South curved hem vest.As for shoes, the Ted Baker abesi peep toe platform shoes are also brand new-in. I love a peep toe shoe! We may not have Angelina’s incredible lifestyle but it’s not impossible to copy her style. She’s an inspiration to me. What do you think?

source : Very